Sunny          Sunday

It’s quite a long time that I did not update here.  Despite the reason that I could not open my space website at company, (it seems that the space website was screened by out IT) as I was too tired and busied with my Economic Laws I did not write anything…

Last Monday, Elsa and Winnie went to hospital to see father. They had a great time on chatting.  As mother talked many of my stupid things in the childhood I could hardly stop thinking about her having a too large mouth.  Yes, she’s very talkative and once she starts to talk, it’s difficult to stop her.

There’re many good wishes to my father online.  Those friends from the internet left their sincere wishes to my father’s health on the posts and in my MSN space really gave me power.  I told father many people are caring about his body and he should rouse the courage to face the future.

I just had a quarrel with mother.  She said she would break the air-conditioner if I dare to buy it home.  She maintained that it’s not the time to buy that luxurious machine at home.  Is air-conditioner luxurious?  It’s ridiculous.  As it’s mid-summer you won’t find any discounts in the price of air-conditioners.  I really planned to buy it this spring, but she did not allow and then I gave up, hoping that I could buy it later…

The second reason is that father would have expensive therapy in future.  And we’d better save as much money as we could to support the fee.  But, I am working now and I have fully confidence that my salary will raise yearly and it could afford the therapy.  There’s not any reason for us to hold the money in hands and to fight for the horrible summer high temperature with a small electronic fan.  Not mention an air-conditioner won’t cost more than 2k.

The most ridiculous reason mother doesn’t allow me to buy air-conditioner is that she thinks I would get married within years and it is a waste of money to buy and install the air-conditioner into my only 6 square meters room.  My room is facing north.  People know that the room faces north is hot in summer and cold in winter.  It really needs air-conditioner!!!  Mother’s another reason is similar to this one: if there’s an air-conditioner in my room, I won’t go out and find myself a BF.  Don’t you think it’s ridiculous and funny?  I could not help but laughing violently.  Even if there’s not air-conditioner in my room, I still would not go out!  Nobody could decide for my future!  I love to be single, it’s not a crime, right?  They always think I’m childish and could not do most of the things for adults.  Well, if she breaks the air-conditioner I would buy next week, I could move out.

To live alone and freely is what I’ve been pursuing for years.  The only things I want to do after a day’s work is to read in my quiet and comfortable room.  I could not get quiet environment because my parents would like to talk loudly and with the noisy TV sets; I could not be in comfortable place because the temperature is uncomfortable without an air-conditioner.  As I could not ask them to shut up or turn off the TV sets, all I can adjust the environment is just to buy an air-conditioner.

I’m too kind to easily compromise, just like what mother said.  So this time I would maintain my stand.  Only a month left, I hope that I could read and review Economic Laws in a comfortable place.  That’s all. 

Sunny            Saturday

It’s sunny outside.  Actually I should say what a hot day it is.  But as now I’m in the hospital with the repaired air-condition it’s quite cool~

Many things happened these days and as I was too busy or too tired, nothing was written down.  Now, let me write something.

I tried my best to squeeze time to read books.  I read book at the bus station in the morning and read book at home in the evening when I went home from hospital.  I know I should be more diligent, but I could not concentrate.  Went home at about 20:00, did some tiny housework and then took a bath, after that it was almost 22:00.  So sleepy to read more at that time especially you know when one is tired…

Winnie planned to go to hospital to visit my father with Elsa next week when I told her father was not in good mood these days.  He ate less and would not like to walk.  She just said that perhaps she could tell father some interesting stories to make him happier.  I appreciated her kindness and yesterday almost al the members went to Jane’s home to see her newly born baby.  I really want to see her baby, as father was waiting in the hospital I gave up…

After Thanai left the company in Thailand, I knew another colleague there whose name is too long and irregular for me to remember.  I call him/her “S”.  “S” is not good at English.  All “S”’s English that used to communicate with me were in separating words without any grammatical rules and sense.  I just could not guess what “S” said.  As “S” could not understand what I said in English either, it could easily drive me mad when it comes to talk with him/her.  Decades of minutes passed when you found last that “S” still could not know what you said, how you could not be mad?  And at that time, I would tell “S”: Please ask “Nujin…” for help. Like other colleagues do when “S” could not understand them.  As “Nujin…” is “S”’s boss and of course good at English… There’s not any obstacles to communicate with “Nujin…”   I know there’s no hope to chat with “S” in English without obstacles, but there’s hope that one day we could chat in Chinese.  I was heard that “S” is learning Chinese now and from time to time he/she would like to ask me the pronunciation of some Chinese characters.  The first character “S” asked tumbled me.  It’s “阜” and I really don’t know how to read it…

Two young relatives from Wuhan went to shanghai these days.  It’s complicated to explain the relation.  Their parents’ father is my father’s uncle, my grandmother’s brother~~~  It’s trouble to know there are 2 guests near your home which means that one day they’ll drop in.  Actually I’m not hospitable to some extent, as I do not believe in blood the two young relatives to me are totally strangers.  I could not treat them like my friends.  Father is very warmhearted and he is excited to hear the two guys came to shanghai.  He maintained that I should show them around the city and what’s more years later I should help them find jobs in shanghai.  I hate such things like that very much.  I rejected doing so and as mother said it is out of the question to treat them well at our home and then father gave up.  Now they are at my aunt’s home.

Stop by now.  Hope that I could find more time to write.

伤口感染

距离开刀到今天，已经过去有8天了。尽管小痛小闹时有发生，但肯定的一点是，爸爸正在逐日好转当中。

今天去医院陪他一天，感受到他的状态慢慢的好转了。脖子的穿刺顺利已经可以在脖子上静脉滴液；空调制冷正常盖着被子休息十分舒服；就是早上嘴巴馋了点儿，在只能吃半流食物的时候，差老妈到楼下食堂买了蛋糕一块，三下五除二一口吞，结果胃被涨了难过了大半天。中午他的弟弟妹妹来看他，加上妈妈的妹妹，一家人和乐融融的聊天，天南地北非常的开心来着。

原以为这样的状态会一直持续下去，等到妈妈来的时候他的精神状态还不错。喝了几口叔叔送来的番茄蛋汤后，他竟然要求以自己的力量坐起来。我们搀扶着他，把他拽起来。可是他挣脱了我们的手，用自己的手臂支着床沿，数秒后因为用力过度倒下。此时，妈妈发现他肚子上的绑带有暗红的水渗出，水痕一下子扩大开来，我们连忙叫来了医生……

恐怖的事情还是发生了。由于手术后的某日，肚子上的人造口排泄物溢出浸没伤口，使得现在他的伤口有点感染，不断的有水从伤口的洞中渗出，止也止不住。医生用钳子将伤口绷开，将纱布塞进去吸脏水，爸爸咬着牙时不时发出惨烈的叫声，我和妈妈在一旁即无奈同时又痛苦地用颤抖的手按住他的膝盖。

心如刀绞，只能找到这个词来形容当时的心情。根本不敢去看伤口，只能看到地上带血的纱布。最后，医生在他的伤口中埋下黄色的“引流纱布”,是好是坏要等到明天换药的时候才能知道……

不安慢慢延伸开来，在空荡荡的房间。希望明天去医院，好消息可以传来。不要让最近敏感而脆弱的心再受煎熬，我已经不能分神去想去考虑任何其他的事情了，希望爸爸能够早日康复出院，妈妈可以马上去医院检查。是的，妈妈最近身体越来越差，她一直都拒绝去医院检查根本不听劝。唯一的办法也就是爸爸可以早点康复了……

Friday        Cloudy

It is Friday today and it’s also my annual leave day.  I delivered the leave application this Monday, asking for 2 days off on this Tuesday and Friday.

Well, a new colleague Jenny came to our BC Team.  She works as a long-term employee not a tempo and came back from Britain.  She’s quiet and kind, so it would be happy to work with her together.

Tuesday night, I took N0.9 company shuttle bus to go to hospital to see father when I was off duty.  A patient next door died and there were many of his relatives crying loudly outside the ward.  Mother told me it was the patient’s birthday and he died without seeing the birthday cake… It was about 2 years after the patient’s operation to cut off the tumor in his rectum.  I had to ignored this for my father just had an operation…I could not think about the future…

Mother accompanied father day and night.  She has not been home for days.  Though I really felt guilty about that, I still don’t want to stay at night in father’s ward.  It’s a male ward with 7 male patients and their relatives, it’s quite inconvenient to sleep in such a ward for me…

What’s more, he’s getting better and better.  I don’t think it’s a must to accompany him at night.  It’s too easy for me to sleep sound without feeling anything around and don’t you think it’s the same to put me sleeping at home and sleeping in the ward beside his bed?

Mother went to work today.  She could have good rest in school office.  I’m thinking about who would be the one to accompany father at night.  He maintained that I stay, but I don’t think it’s necessary for he’s not that weak now.

I’m waiting for the result~~~

Tuesday         Rainy to cloudy

Father’s better and better everyday.  He can drink water now, though still cannot eat anything.  He likes to chat with others and reads newspaper.  I’m very happy to see his good condition.

It’s too difficult to hide the truth away from him.  We keep silence about his disease, and I know one day he will know it at last, but I dare not to obey mother’s warning: do not tell father what disease he got…

I do hope that the organ with bad cells being cut off to be cut off forever and he could be healthy ever since.

Father has altogether 5 brothers and sisters, and mother also has 5.  These days almost 10 relatives came to see father at his ward, many of them took their kids who are my cousins too.  He’s very happy to see so many relatives to see him.

Though we have many relatives in shanghai, few can take care of father on weekdays.  They all have work to do.  Mother had to accompany father at night these days and I asked for my annual leave to take care of him in the morning.  It isn’t that difficult to get up before 6 in the morning, to arrive at the hospital at 7 a.m. and to go back later after 21:00.  the most difficult thing for me is that I have to be awake all the time without any sleep while I’m taking care of father and I cannot read books at the condition that there always are some relatives at my side.  As there’s only one seat for one bed, I even could not find a place to sleep or read…

Anyway, father could get home within 2 weeks, I hope.  Then I could concentrate myself on books afterwards.

Saturday/Sunday          Rainy hard

Planned to write diary last night, as I was too tired to open my eyes…I gave up at last.

It is 7:40 a.m., I’m at father’s ward.  He’s sleeping, I hope he can sleep well.  You know, his hurt pained him a lot and last night the nurse just gave him a “Du Leng Ding” to calm him down. My uncle went to accompany him at about 1:00 a.m., so mother came home at about 1”30.  She wake me up at 6:00 a.m. and asked me to hospital replace my uncle.  I could not sleep when I heard that father pained to move his body violently and almost slope down to the ground…  It’s horrible, even to think about the spot…

Yesterday my uncles and aunts went to hospital to see my father.  As he was sleepy and did not have much energy to speak too much, they came and then left soon.  Though it was rainy hard yesterday afternoon my uncles and aunts came here with wetted clothes and hair shoes as well.

It’s quiet at the moment and I could now write something to keep down what had happened these busy days. 

I’m sleepy and having a headache, but I could not sleep.

Father’s heart beat rate is 94 DIA 68 mmhg.  He’s getting on well everyday.  We did not dare to tell him all his tumor and anus were cut off in the operation.  He even did not know where the cut is.  Hope he would be better tomorrow.  Next day I’d have to go work.

Cloudy            Friday

It’s the day my father accepted the operation.  Just like what the doctor said, we should count the days after his operation, for it’s renew in his life.

We went to the hospital in time and father was there, sitting on the bed being ready for the operation.  There were several tubes inserted from his neck, it’s horrible.  I just could not observe the nurse gave him an injection on his hip. 

Everything would be fine, is it so?  When he went into the operation room, mother was crying outside.  My aunt persuaded her not to cry any more, because the tears could make her blind if she still keeps crying that hard.  She could not control just like yesterday I could not control myself crying strongly in front of Elsa when I asked for leave.  But we must be strong.  There must be much difficulty in front of us in future if we cannot conquer the tiny tragedy suddenly happened today, how could us overcome the unexpected other difficulty in the future life?

I really thank for my Team members great help.  They are kind and warmhearted.  Yesterday after lunch, when I went back office from the canteen, I found Elsa and Winnie had already spent their time to do some workload of mine and Sonya even went to me, asked if there’s anything they can do for me.  I know I’m not the only one who should fact the misfortune myself.

I met Yunlai on the online MSN messenger website.  She said our there would be a birthday celebration for our graduation school and as I moved years ago the teacher there could not send me their invitation, so I gave her my MP No., but I did forget to leave her my address…As we chatted, she asked if I took CPA exams.  Last year she had passed Economic Laws Exam, which I would take this year.  I told her I could not concentrate myself on the book now.  I hope that I could read more book pages after my father’s operation.  It’s also his hope that I could pass the exam and I would try my best!

Stop by now.  In the morning of the day, I’ll find some time to write in the evening.

Rainy          Wednesday

It was like a nightmare and it was just like the sentences we could only hear from TV series.  Mother and I were told that the tumor in my father’s body is cancer and it is not benign.  If we do not take operation asap, anything unexpected would happen…

Mother asked the doctor not to tell father the fact about his condition, for she is worried about his feedback to the news.  Coming out of the doctor’s office, we did not know what to do.  She was in tears again already and hardly I could hold back mine…

I did not think such things would come to me one day before.  But as it did come to me and what I can do?  Actually I did not realize how much I love him until I found the fact that I could lose him in the near future.  He’s not a great guy, doesn’t know much about the world and above all not a very competent father.  But I can feel his paternal love to me, which accompanied me for decades.  The day after tomorrow is the due operation day.  I do hope that I could be there, at his side, out of the operation room.  But, we are very, very busy these days I even don’t know if I could ask for leave and what is waiting for me tomorrow. 

Anyway, I could not give up what I’m taking up, though such things happened to me.

I always think adversity can make everything successful and the more difficult adversity that in front of you, the horrible great energy you’ll have.  I hope that I could get the power re-find the power inside myself years ago.

Sunny

Everything would be fine, I think.

Father went to hospital this morning, he won’t be home until he has the operation.  Mother is quite used to hold her tears when she faces the topic about father’s condition and I, asked for a day’s leave bravely to Elsa this afternoon.  You know, at the first week after the closing day, all the F&A Dept. are in great mess, not mention that in our BC Team 3 persons are doing the workload for 4 guys…

I did the workload for 4 guys almost the whole day today.  As Jane’s on her maternal leave, Winnie’s on her holiday and Elsa’s was required to make a PPT file by boss, I had to do all their work…

I did the daily bank collection report and then handled some customer master data application through e-work flow and made the 3 sales reports to the bosses for Winnie.  After lunch I prepared all the files needed to SSC and then I took all the work for Elsa, because she had to attend a meeting…I could hardly breathe but to my great delight, Archie told me that we could log on online MSN website.  So I had a try and you know, it was successful to open the website and I had several short chats with my MSN friends online~~~

Stop by now.  I’m very sleepy and could not sit straight.  I asked one day off tomorrow to go to the hospital with mother to see the very important man in our life.  Just like what the man said, we are the most important women in his life.

Everything would be fine.  There’s an OT this Saturday.  It’s because we have to do some F&A work to transfer the accounting information from PETSCO to PCI.  Next week, we would work for PCI and there’s no PETSCO at all…

The day mother cried...

I did never see mother cry before, except when her father died.  I did today.  When father went into the bathroom, she cried and told me the bad news with tears in her eyes…

My parents went to hospital together today.  Actually, it was my father who should go there to have a body check, as the doctor found something bad in his rectum.  The result is that there’s a bloody tumor in it.  I did not think too much about it, just believed that if there’s one operation to cut off the tumor, everything would be fine.  But, when mother cried and sobbed to tell me it could be cancer, I was shocked…

She did not tell father the bad result.  You know, my grandfather was died of throat cancer when my father was below 30 and it was about 10 months since my grandfather had been check to have cancer and then left this world.  My father also thinks he would have the same fate like his father, for I am of the same age when he lost his father and there exists a tumor in his body…

I don’t’ know how to comfort my mother but to sob in the bathroom.  It’s true that my father always can make me angry within seconds, (I don’t know why, perhaps it is because of the old saying: father and daughter are the enemies in prelife…) but I’m afraid of losing him, I can’t bear this.

People are vulnerable sometimes.  Though we know it’s natural rule that all human beings would die in the end, we just could not bear the sudden tragedies…

Hope that it is only a benign tumor and everything will be find after his operation…